Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
