he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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