It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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