I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
