Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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