Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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