dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
