my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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