He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
