I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
