If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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