Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
