If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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