I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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