Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's great music for shaving your balls
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
