sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
