So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
