1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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