We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
