I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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