Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i would punch a child for taco bell
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
