I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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