he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
North Korea, Best Korea!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
