before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
