am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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