he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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