Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
