he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she smelled like a LAN party
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
