dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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