I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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