haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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