Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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