If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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