My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
