Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
