I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
