..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
