oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come share oat with me in your robe
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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