She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
