Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
