You can't special order awesome
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
