Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
