he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
