i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize