I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
