3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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