If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
