I could make wine with my vomit
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
