It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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