marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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