The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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