there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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