I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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