I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
