Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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