I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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