Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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