I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
