Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
