To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
