Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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