my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
