i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize