were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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