She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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