she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
