I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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