I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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