So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
