her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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