Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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