I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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