i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
