Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize